


wonder what she thinks of me

by literallyjer



Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Angst, Break Up, Gay, Heartbreak, Hurt Zuko (Avatar), Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Minor Mai/Zuko, Zukaang - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-25
Updated: 2020-08-25
Packaged: 2021-03-06 19:40:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,800
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26094298
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/literallyjer/pseuds/literallyjer
Summary: It shouldn't be hard. They should have been able to be happy and fall in love. They'd already saved the world and overcome more than anyone their age should have to. So why must they now fight this battle too? Why couldn't they belong to each other the way they wanted?inspired by Wonder What She Thinks of Me by Chloe x Halle
Relationships: Aang/Zuko (Avatar), Mai/Zuko (mentioned)
Comments: 12
Kudos: 53





	wonder what she thinks of me

**Author's Note:**

> this is my first attempt at this fandom and this pair so please be gentle! i have rewatched atla 3 times since it went on netflix and i want to do a multi-chapter fic about aang/zuko and i have an idea but i wanted to get my feet wet first so i hope you enjoy! also unbeta'd because i was just so excited to finish it and wanted to get it out asap!
> 
> xx

“I wonder what she thinks of me.” 

Zuko rolled over slightly to look at the boy next to him. Boy might be insulting at this point, now that the young Avatar had finally turned seventeen. Young man would probably be more fitting—and with the growth spurt the airbender had gone through the summer before, it was definitely the more appropriate term.

“Who?” Zuko asked, confusion very evident in his sleep laced voice.

Aang sighed and rolled over to look the Fire Lord in the eye. “Mai.”

That wasn’t what Zuko was anticipating. It was actually the furthest thing from what he had excepted to hear. “Wait, what?”

“I just wonder sometimes what she thinks about me. I mean, she has to know that something is up right?” Aang asked as he turned his gaze down to the sheets, fingering at a spot on the bed in between the two of them.

“Where is this coming from?” The fire lord asked as he sat up straight.

His counterpart shrugged and continued to play with the crimson sheets. “I don’t know Zuko. It’s just—” He started but cut himself short. He exhaled and rolled over onto his stomach, burying his face int the pillow. 

“Hey,” Zuko said softly. He placed his hand on the other man’s back and began slowly rubbing circles. “What’s going on kid? Talk to me.”

There was string of muffled words that filled the otherwise quiet room as Aang began to speak into the pillow.

Zuko chuckled slightly before dragging his hand up to the airbender’s head and slightly rotating it so Aang was making eye contact with him again. “Let’s maybe try that again, but this time out loud and not into the pillow?”

Aang gave a very weak smile and rolled onto his side again. HIs grey eyes fell again to the bed as he began. “I feel horrible sometimes.” He started. 

The normally outgoing and energetic person Zuko knew and had come to love (in many ways) wasn’t the same person laying in this bed. This person seemed, nervous and shy, and seemingly timid. In the almost six years the two leaders had known each other, Zuko would never use any of these words to describe the powerful Avatar Aang. But in this moment, he’s reminded that Aang isn’t just the Avatar—he’s also a teenager with emotions and hormones that might not be fully realized yet. 

“Mai loves you, and I know that you love her too, even if you don’t want to admit it. And here I am, falling for you, making your relationship hard and turning you into a cheater. I just can’t imagine how she must feel. And if she doesn’t know then imagine how she’s going to react when she finds out!” Aang rushed out.

Zuko placed his hand gently on Aang’s cheek and stroked his thumb over his skin. “Oh Aang, don’t do this to yourself.” 

Immediately the younger man sat up, pushing the fire bender’s hand from him. “How am I not supposed to Zuko?” He exclaimed. “I know how shitty this is! You are practically married to Mai! Hell, I am sure that you will actually end up marrying her within a year’s time.”

It was the Fire Lord’s turn to look down now. His body tensed slightly as he tried to dodge eye contact.

“Wait,” Aang stopped noticing the change in demeanor. “Are you getting married?”

Zuko sighed. “I was going to tell you.”

“You’re getting married?” He exclaimed again, this time flying out of the bed and landing on the floor on the other side of the bed. 

Zuko stood as well, quickly rushing to Aang’s side. “It just happened Aang I swear! She and I were talking about the future and I’ve been getting a lot of heat from the council to wed and produce an heir! I’m going to be twenty two soon, by now I should already have these things.”

“So following the stupid fire nation traditions are more important than, I don’t know, following your heart?” Aang argued, stepping away from Zuko. 

Zuko didn’t really have an answer. Well, he did—he knew that the Avatar was right. He knew that he had fought long and hard to be in the place that he was now: Firelord, free of his lineage’s terror and on the path of being the best version of himself he possibly could be. Yet somehow, the small voice in the back of his head that told him that he needed to be the perfect Firelord still outweighed what he wanted. He wanted to be able to call Aang his lover in public and to hold his hand and show the world how much he cared about the airbender. But the adult, “perfect” side of him consistently made sure that he knew what he was supposed to do and would hold him to it. Which is why he hadn’t stopped dating Mai, even though he and Aang had been doing this dance for almost a year now. 

He wanted to leave Mai and be with Aang the way he deserved, but when Aang finally got to an age that Zuko didn’t feel weird about having feelings for him, he had already been committed to Mai for a while. Their relationship was primed for marriage, and Zuko would be lying if he said he didn’t want that. Mai was perfect on paper to be his partner. She came from a prestigious family and would be accepted by the nation—plus their child would be powerful and perfectly molded to one day take the throne. It would be the perfect life.

But it wouldn’t be completely perfect without Aang in it.

“It isn’t as simple as you are making it seem Aang. Please, can we sit down and talk about this?” He pleaded. 

Aang shook his head and began to gather his clothes. “You know, I just remembered that I have that trip to the North Pole that I have to take. I think I’m just going to start packing so I can head out in the morning.” 

“No!” Zuko grunted, stepping in front of the other man. “You are not leaving while we are in a fight.”

The younger man didn’t say anything. Aang just stood there, very clearly upset as the two stared at each other. It really shouldn’t have been this difficult, they both knew what they were getting into when they started whatever it is they’ve been doing. Aang had broken up with Katara and Zuko had been there to comfort him. Neither expected for that night to turn into a declaration of the feelings they shared for one another (not verbally or physically). 

Aang stood still for a moment, waiting but he continued to redress when neither of the two spoke. Zuko wanted to say so much. He wanted to tell Aang exactly how much he cared about him and that he would do anything to keep him in this room forever. He wanted to tell him how he would turn back time to three minutes ago when they were wrapped in each other’s arms, embracing, sharing one another’s warm, displaying the love they possessed for each other. He wanted so many things all at once, and each of them led back to spending ever breath he had left in his body with the airbender he’d once wanted dead, and now couldn’t picture himself without. 

But in that moment, all the words fell short. 

“I’m going to go.” Aang finally spoke, he glanced up at the fire bender but not holding eye contact. 

“Aang,” Zuko spoke. He stepped forward, but the other man instinctually stepped back.

Zuko sighed, but took another step towards the man he was in love with. When Aang didn’t move, he continued to pursue him until they were within inches of each other. Zuko could feel the unsteady breaths Aang was taking, as if he were hyperventilating from anger and sadness all at once. Zuko reached down and grabbed the tattoo covered hand and brought it up his face, placing it directly onto the scarred flesh around his eye. 

Aang followed his hand with his eyes until he was staring directly into the amber orbs he’d come to know too well. He saw the hurt in Zuko’s eyes—the pleading to stay.

“Do me a favor?” Aang whispered softly, allowing himself to caress the skin under his hand. 

The Firelord nodded.

“When you marry Mai, try to fall in love with her.” He spoke.

“Aang—”

“No,” The Avatar cut him off. “Just listen.” Aang gently placed his free hand to the firm chest he commonly used as a pillow.

“You deserve a fair chance at being the best Firelord you can be. And Mai will give you that. So marry her. Fall in love with her as much as you possibly can. Have a baby or two and grow old with her. Be the man that your nation needs you to be. Be the man that I know you are.” Aang spoke gently, but with each word his voice waived slightly, giving away the pain he was holding back.

Zuko didn’t realize he was crying until he felt the wetness between his cheek and the palm of Aang’s hand. 

“I love you.” He said just above a whisper. It was the first time he’d ever said it aloud.

Aang’s emotions got the better of him and he let out a small sob, so quiet it could have been mistaken as a deep exhale. “I love you too.” He felt his heart ache more as he let the words leave his mouth. 

It was selfish to return the declaration. He knew he was putting yet another reason in the Firelord’s head to give up tradition in exchange for their mutual feelings. All Zuko had to say was he wanted Aang and the airbender would cave and stay right in this very room. He could forget the guilt he felt for hurting Mai; It would be worth in the grand scheme of things. But somewhere in the back of his head, he heard “Let go of all worldly possessions” loud and clear. He’d done it with Katara, and he needed to do it again now.

He leaned forward and connected his lips to the other man’s. The contrast from the kissing that had gone on just moments earlier was drastic. There wasn’t lust, passion, or desire like there had been as they tossed around the bed. It was sweet, chaste, and final. 

“Goodbye Sifu Hotman.” Aang whispered against his lips.

And before he could even respond, a gust of air whipped around him, the sheer liner drapes swayed as the airbender flew through them and suddenly both men were just slightly colder.


End file.
